Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple. ...therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD. ...When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands, saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face!

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him: And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads. And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

ahava

Ahava literally means "I will give," a fitting concept for a word that denotes love. It reminded me of the ultimate Giver, the One who became poor for me. This is the type of love that characterizes the Man I've given my heart to.

- - - - - -

This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it shares the joy of those who live by the truth.

Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love never fails.

getting over it

When a loved one dies, it changes your life forever. My father's body has been dead for over three years, yet I find I still miss him acutely. The words of C.S. Lewis are particuarly profound when dealing with this subject. After the death of his wife, he wrote A Grief Observed. The following is one of my favorite sections from that book.

Getting over it so soon? But the words are ambiguous. To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he’s had his leg off it is quite another. After that operation either the wounded stump heals or the man dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop. Presently he’ll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has ‘got over it.’ But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense; I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah!

Psalm 62:5-8

mysteries

What do you do when the Lord doesn't seem to make sense?

When He allows events to occur that seem in direct contradiction to His character?

The age old question "Why" has echoed down the centuries and still carries the weight of anguished souls crying out for a reason. Although it is nice to understand why the Lord allows some things to happen, ultimately we have to be willing to trust Him. Some things are too great for us to understand, and quite frankly, the Lord has no need or responsibility to explain Himself to us. Currently my heart is breaking over the terminal illness of my favorite uncle, and I have no answer for why the Lord is allowing cancer to kill him at the age of 54. However, the Lord does not need to tell me why. It is enough to know that He allowed it to happen, and He is good. Trust means very little if it requires answers and explanations.

Events will occur that I cannot explain. I don't need to. I know the One who knows everything and I've found Him to be immeasurably worthy of trust. I will continue to believe He is good regardless of circumstances. I will continue to believe He is Love regardless of pain. I will continue to believe He is righteous regardless of all the injustice in the world. And I will continue to believe that someday He'll return and set everything right.

one of my many theme songs

What I Did For Love

(Brent Maher/Thom Schuyler)

Everybody's heart is torn and tattered
Mine was not designed for giving up
'Cause all I've ever done that really matters
Is what I did for love

So count me with the wounded and the shaken
Even when I'm barely standing up
I've tried to offer more than I have taken
That's what I did for love

What I did for love
I gave everything
And I hope that you can see
All that love has given me

When they sit and list the reasons I existed
I'm afraid it won't add up to very much
'Cause I gathered all I had and gladly risked it
That's what I did for love

What I did for love
I gave everything
And I hope that you can see
All that love has given me

Someday I may silently surrender
When this old heart has finally had enough
But I hope that I will always be remembered
By what I did for love
See all I've ever done that really matters
Is what I did for love

I will bless the Lord at all times: His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!

I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto Him and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear Him, and delivereth them.

O taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man that trusts in Him.

O fear the Lord, ye His saints: for there is no want to them that fear Him. The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.

-Pslam 34:1-10

the countless infinitesimals

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heart-felt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

crossroads

Have you ever stood at a crossroads and wondered which road to take?

Have you ever spent sleepless nights gazing at the stars wondering where you'll be in a year?

Have you ever wondered what you really want, after all?

If so, you know how I've been feeling lately. I'm beginning to think the hardest part of college might be deciding what to do after you're done. I used to say, "I don't know where I'll be in five years" and now I can honestly say, "I haven't the foggiest clue where I'll be in one year." Even though I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing, I do know Who will be with me. I find that knowledge makes all the difference. My father used to say,

The Lord wants us to get it right more than we do. If we really want to know His will, He'll move heaven and earth to show it to us.

Looking back over my short life I'm amazed by how unpredictable it's been. Three times the course of my world has changed in a single afternoon. If my future shares anything with my past, then it'll be an incredible adventure. I'm not afraid as I consider all the possible paths before me, for I know the One who is standing next to me, and He's holding my hand. I can rely on Him to show me which road is best, and if I lean on Him, He'll never let me falter. Life is an exciting adventure when lived in Him. Jabe Nicholson once said,

When people complain that they don't know the Lord's will for their life, I often ask, 'Oh don't you? Don't you really?' I have never met a person who has not known what the Lord wants them to do for the next day. He always shows us the next step. The question really is, 'Will we take it?'

I'm excited to take these next steps as I rely on the One who cannot fail. I'm excited to be in a position where I have to trust Him for my future. I'm excited to see new aspects of His character as I start a journey with Him. When I gaze at the stars at night, I still don't know where I'll be in a year, but I don't need to know. All I need is the Lord Jesus Christ, and all I want is to be able to say without hypocrisy, "For me to live is Christ and I know Him, the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings. I know Him." And that's all I need to know.

dreams

“It's not enough to have a dream unless I'm willing to pursue it. It's not enough to know what's right unless I'm strong enough to do it. It's not enough to join the crowd, to be acknowledged and accepted. I must be true to my ideals, even if I'm excluded and rejected. It's not enough to learn the truth unless I also learn to live it. It's not enough to reach for love unless I care enough to give it.”